Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Love and Sex

Last night my girlfriend muted the fact that she would like a threesome - being a Christian I was appalled at thought of sex without love - the harm this has already done me in my life. But she thinks that there is nothing wrong with it - that sex is just sex - it is not to do with love and that God wouldn't mind a threesome.
I balked, fell apart - it has taken me so much to have a relationship with her when I have been taught for so long homosexuality is wrong - even when I didn't agree it still took a huge amount of love to be intimate with her.
She has ended things this morning because she doesn't want to deny her sexuality the way she has for so long - all of it both the homosexuality and the fantasies. She feels most Christians will say all of it is wrong, from masturbation to sex aids so the morality of it is irrelevant. I am a victim of sexual abuse as a child and for sex to be anything other than love is like torture for me and she doesn't want to hurt me more.
But to lose her like this is a horror in itself - bringing constantly to the surface the feelings of being dirty - that what we had is diminished - tarnished. I know it is all very dysfunctional but we have grown so much together - come so far - through so much. How do I deal with this? What is and isn't right sexually and in what contexts?


  1. Just me, this sounds very painful for you. I am so sorry. I wonder if you would be willing to carry on this conversation by email rather than in comments here or at my blog? You could write me at revceciliapastor at yahoo dot com.

    I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

  2. Oh, I am so sorry that this happened to you, but glad you could stand firm and say no to what would have hurt you--though sad that the price was so great. Praying for deep healing and the guidance of the Holy Spirit as you sort through the aftermath of this relationship and a sexual ethic that works with your Christian commitment and emotional safety.