Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Walk in Closet

Cecilia put these thoughts on psalm 69 on her Closeted Pastor blog today: "Do not let others be put to shame because of me... that hits me pretty much right where I'm living today. Most days I'm able to put aside my severe anxiety ...but very real fear surfaces. People may well feel ashamed. They may well feel dishonored by my presence in their midst. I can only hope that will be a passing thing... But I feel that I will be called to account for hiding my true self from them. It is a betrayal they may have a hard time forgiving."
This spoke to me so much today - My girlfriend has or is very close to breaking up with me because of the fear of the consequences to her children and the fear of telling them about herself. It is hard - on one hand I believe you should be who you are and teach your children by example to accept people, be honest and celebrate who they are - but the school yard is a hard place for the child of any parent who is different let alone - gay. But vicars children get a certain amount of ridicule - does that mean their parent should not enter the ministry???? I just feel that if it wasn't for the lesbians who have stood up and been counted not hidden in a closet, the hope for the rest of us to ever be honest about ourselves would be a lifetime away. We stand on the backs of giants of trully brave women - who faced oppression and the constant risk of actual bodily harm - is it a choice to be honest about who we are and not act ashamed or a responsibility? I'm trully not sure! I am sure though, that walking back into the closet won't help anyone respect us now or in the future. What say you?


  1. I agree essentially but real life sometimes gets in the way of good intentions. Sometimes we are unable to venture forward because of the fear of hurting someone we love more. Sometimes it's just hard to put yourself first....

  2. how painful. discrimination and oppression in our societies stresses and damages so many individual souls and the souls of relationships too. i pray that your girlfriend is able to weather this fear and your relationship remains in tact. but this is hard, hard stuff.. whether in church board rooms or school yards, its hard. may God forgive us our fear of one another and liberate us to honest living.