Sunday, 7 June 2009

it is hers full version

This summer I met this girl, the girl who had left a scent on my life since I was so much younger. I met her in a friend I began to know differently. I found her in Hebe's vitality, her irridescent beauty, her courage and conviction - the magic. As "Sleepless in SeatIe" put it. "It was like coming home. Only to no home I had ever known before" (please forgive misquotes all you pedants out there).
Louis MacNeice also prophescied about her :

You who to me among women, stand for so much that I wish for,
I thank you my dear for the example of living like a fugue and moving
For few are able to keep moving they lag and flag in the traffic
But you are alive beyond question, like the dazzle on the sea, my darling.

I am admittedly a born romantic - an escapist truth be told. But I didn't waste my life away waiting or looking for this girl - I lived - fully and with integrity ( most of the time - at least that was my aim). I never knew she existed but I was surprised to find her. As C.S Lewis said "Surprised by joy". The cynics of you out there will think this a silly blog - perhaps me a silly woman. But it is in that sentence that you realise all is not as it seems. I was a married primary school teacher, a christian no less. Struggling to make a marriage scarred by domestic violence work for 9 years, believing marriage was for life, suffering was to be endured, there were no let outs except adultery on the other partners side. I didn't leave my husband for Hebe but sitting in therapy listening to the profound depth of his problems and the shere incompatibility of our expectations and personalities - I realised I could work at my marriage for a life time and stil not want to be with him because I now knew what it was like to feel respect, admiration and inspiration for someone - someone who took my breath away.

I wrote this my own verse to try in part to extrapolate ( sorry for the plagarised line). To capture her - her beauty - her vibrancy - her light :

Irridescent beauty flickers
At the corner of vision,
Reflecting on the constant undulating tide.
It plays lighter than thought on the waves,
Unhindered, without ebb:
The dazzle on the sea.

It has not been a smooth ride, nor always one of which I was proud. But I am proud of her. I wish you all could know her. I hope that I will continue to know her. Being good friends with her - I began to write poetry again, play the guitar and sing again, dance again, enjoy my children again, be excited by my faith again, and connect with my core values and beliefs. Do not be mistaken she is not perfect, by no means. She is infuriating in many ways but admittedly far less than me. I am sure I will moan about these in time, but right now, I wanted to start blogging by telling you all what a precious, beautiful, inspirational person Hebe is and that I will always be glad, no matter what, to have known her.

No comments:

Post a Comment