We Will Remember

Ambient Wonder, the alternative worship collective I am involved with, are putting on an event about Rememberance. Being alternative this will be a much more current or counter culture and reflective meditation than a traditional CofE rememberance service. Our planning discussions revolved around the conflict between Christianity and War and the churches culpability in so many wars. Can you be a Christian and not be a pacifist? If so are you truly following Jesus' teachings or that of often conservative nationalistic church bodies?
But I feel that in entering into this argument we miss the true essence of rememberance that individuals - fathers, sons, husbands,friends, neighbours, colleagues, lovers, partners were lost. They were somebody - and they died fighting a war they were told was just. God knew each one of them and does not forget them. Rememberance doesn't need to be about glorifying war but about remembering war is personal -we talk in thousands and millions of war casualties but each one of those had dreams and thoughts and feelings - unique fingerprints, shoes worn to the imprint of their soles, treasured creased letters and photos - grubby from repeated readings slipped in their jacket pockets.
Remember me when I am gone

To Love Wisely

I have recently had the opportunity to persue relationships with more than one person and it is tempting - to be held and wanted is an appealing and much missed thing. But I am determined to try to love wisely. But having said these words it became apparent they are an oxymoron - to be wise in its very nature suggests controlled thinking - head responses - deliberations. But I am convinced that love by its very nature is foolish - Love fool not Love sage. How else can you explain how blind you are to another's faults when in falling in love - how the very things that will grate in years to come are endearing - even charming? From outside we can see incompatibilities, fault lines waiting to open as familiarity breeds contempt - but from within love it is difficult to heed and negative - albeit realistic - views are rejected - even resented.
So am I likely to be a love wisely or a love foolishly in the future? I am sure if I am not in love then I will act more or less wisely - but I am more sure if I do fall in love again - or continue to be in love foolishly then there is little hope for wise words and actions - and that hindsight will be a glorious thing.

Karma and Cath Kidston

I'm trialing a SHAPEs course with my small group and this week we were looking at Heart - things you care about/enjoy/excite you etc. On hobbies - I realised my ebay habit of buying bargain Cath Kidston had probably got to large proportions of how I spend my spare time!?! Can ebay be a hobby? I really hope not - maybe it could make a bid to become an olympic sport like Chess. Normally I would put walking, gardening, art, films, reading, cycling and singing - well probably after socialising around tea and cake - but some hobbies are bound to include the sedantry. Anyway I am coming to the end of my escapism through chintz and now only mildly scan pedalled wares for the odd "essential" - which is good because my credit card bill came to day and it is way higher than expected because you can hazily forget the fact each item cost nearly as much in postage as it did in and of itself. As comfort techniques go I suppose it verges on the healthier of addictions - I have neither wrecked my kidneys or lungs nor have I put on any weight - I've also made friends - its like facebook but with pretty things that come in the post as a bonus!!??!
But as good for Karma goes - it has helped me feel happier in my house - but it hasn't even begin to tap the grieving over a lost very good friend - I miss her terribly but she is no better for my Karma than good old Cath Kidston - although maybe better for my fengshui.
To move on I have resorted to anger and condemnation - seeking to demonise the person I treasure and love to get over the hurt and loss - she is a wack job but she was my wack job. I wish her well - seeking to hold her in the positive energy that Quakers envision.
The stupid thing about buying nice things for my house to make it feel better is that I want to show her what I've done and how nice it is looking. I want her to be proud of me for single-handedly putting up shelves - I am woman hear me roar - as I like to proclaim. How do you move on from true friendship - even when it is bad for you - how do you healthily move on? So what I'm hoping for in October is less Kidston and more karma. And the people all said AMEN!

All Singing All Blogging

I just got a new browser and it lets me add video, spell check and hyperlink in this blog - hoorah - I have entered the C21.
Unfortunately at a slightly dullardish moment in my life - so may not be used to great effect - BUt and I mean BUT it can be used! ( it also lets me embolden- ooh ahh) Such things that you PCs with internet explorer take for granted. I wonder if it will actually let me respond to comments - so the few eager beavers who deign to comment will not feel slighted by my lack of response?!?
I'm sorry - my face is going slightly numb - my new seagrass flooring was stuck down with industrial glue in a freshly decorated room today - so the excitement at basic word processing functions being finally available may be partly due to chemically induced hysteria. I am now going to step out into the fresh air - I may be sometime?

Blustering Barnacles

Today I had a lovely day with my Aunt. We had lunch at the Overstrand Cafe - I had tasty crab salad and decadent syrup sponge with custard for pud - to gird my insides and stave off the cold and gale force winds that beackoned on the beach. But it was exhilirating - the sand whipped up and stung our legs like in a sorroco wind forcing us down to the glimmering expanses of wet rippled sand dimpled by recent rain. We clambered over rock pools and held up our arms to be blown back by the winds power. It was so refreshing we walked all the way to Cromer and had pots of tea at the Rocket Cafe before being helped back by the winds encouragement - this time our calves getting the brunt of the stinging sand. It felt good to be alive.

All the Fun of the Fair?

There is a cred T-shirt my partner wore that says “How you spend your money affects what happens on the planet". Each purchase we make has the potential to bolster corporate unfair practices detrimental to national and international producers or support ethical trade that in turn supports local communities.
I feel that apart from letter writing, the way to trully lobby is to think about how we spend our money. There was a lot of talk about coffee shops in a recent post on dykestowatchoutfor.com - which trully do smell delightful - but is your first consideration the taste of the coffee or the ethics of the company/ owner you are buying the coffee from? Is it fair trade - what sort of life have the producers or workers had in providing it at that price?
Thankfully now fair trade products are more available and better quality - it is not always a choice between quality of production and quality of product. I would just love coffee chains to not just supply one fair trade option but commit to only fair trade products. Sainsbury’s and Coop supermarkets in the UK own brands of tea and coffee and chocolate respectively are now only fair trade and show it is possible at a great price. Wouldn’t it be amazing if starbucks not only stopped producing coffee that tasted burnt but also committed to serving only fair trade drinks. Now that could affect the planet.

When Cuttings Grow

Cecilia (www.ceciliainthecloset.blogspot.com) is once more insightful:
"I remember a doctor saying, once, if pain wakes you in the night, pay attention. I think that holds true for all kinds of pain, physical, mental and spiritual."
I am in pain - it wakes me - I am paying attention...

But I am coping with it much better than I ever thought I would. Loss of good friendship is probably one of the hardest things to deal with. I have lost lovers and partners - I have lost pets and grandparents - all of which are hard and painful - but in the last fortnight I have lost two very good friends - one to move to Scotland to pursue a wonderful opportunity and one - the best friend I have ever known - through stupidity and weakness. As a single parent my good friends are my family and I don't know how I will cope with two volatile children, an ex with anger-management issues and a stressful job with out them.

I hope that distance, anger and hurt will not destroy these friendships permanently - but that they will grow new roots like my penstemon and pelargonium cuttings that had miraculously become little plants when I transplanted them today. Cut abruptly from their mother plants they should have withered and died - but love is a good rooting medium - and crap whilst I am on many levels - I really love and care about my friends.

So
Until the tide turns
Until the ebb flows
Until the cutting grows.